Petition: Remove Broun from House Science Committee

You know, I don't usually get terribly political. Too much bickering.

But this petition - I think this is important. Science literacy in this country is terrible. We do not need people like Broun who are unable to separate their religious ideologies from rational, scientific concepts to sit on a House Science committee that promotes science.

Please visit the Change website link and sign the petition - they need 150,000 signatures.

Change.org|The Proven Petition Site

Stop SOPA/PIPA: Hit your email.

Go to Wikipedia (they are blacked-out today, January 18) to protest the SOPA/PIPA legistlation in the US), put your ZIP code in, and email your representatives.  Takes like two minutes.

EVERYONE NEEDS TO DO THIS!  DO IT NOW!

Solves that question....

So last week when I blogged about QR Markham's plagiarism I wondered whether he was punking us or just plain stupid.

GalleyCat reported that Markham (or Quentin Rowan as was) explained his reasons in an email to novelist Jeremy Duns.

After reading said "reasons" my vote is now for "just plain stupid" (additionally, that is the lamest set of excuses, ever).

When I have to "huh"?

As a bookseller, there are days when the impulse to laugh has to be squelched mercilessly.  Bad for business.

Evidence the first:
A customer on the telephone wants a copy of The Autobiography of Mark Twain - which we, as well as most of the bookstores/online sources/etc. in this country, are completely sold out of due to small print runs vs. high demand (you can get it electronically, like I did if you want to read it and want to either a) save money or b) save time, or both).  I explain this to the customer who "needs this for a Christmas present today" (it's January, so someone's advance planning has failed).  I apologise, offer to hold the audiobook we have on hand only to be ordered to call the other bookstores in the area.  So in the interests of "good customer service" I put the customer on hold, checked the online inventory, found that the closest on hand copy is several states away, called the local indie bookstore, and they didn't have any either (I believe their bookseller actually snorted when I asked if they had any copies of the Twain).  So I got my customer back on the line, informed him of this, and, once again offered to hold the audiobook because no one has any hardcovers on hand and we're all waiting for the same print run for a re-stock.  The customer explodes "That's Communist!" and proceeds to tell me all about how it's soooo like the Communists that the publisher didn't print enough copies of the biography of the most famous author in America because everyone should have a copy and he wants to buy one, yadda, yadda, yadda.  Um, "Communist"?  Does someone needs a lesson in basic political and economic ideology?  It's "Capitalist" to cause demand to go up by not printing enough copies because "Communist" is where you share everything, i.e. there's one for everybody.  I told him that I'm sure the University of California Press would love to hear his opinion, but I didn't think it would make the printing presses run any faster, and would he like me to hold the audiobook (hint, hint).  He took the hint and the audiobook.  Oy vey.

Evidence the second:
Three teenage girls are wandering around the store, talking loudly about books that they are looking for including The Scarlet Letter and it "has to be on the bestsellers somewhere" (they've walked past me and another bookseller at this point and we both looked at each other and gave the "WTF" look).  I would normally just offer to help but there's some people who just have to learn to give up and ask on their own - these three are those people, plus I wanted to hear more of the conversation.  I should have offered to help because the conversation started to depress me.  This trio of well-fed, obviously well-cared for girls are wandering around talking about how they don't read, and don't go to bookstores, and are being forced to read Huckleberry Finn and it's, like, omigod sooo hard (these girls are old enough to drive themselves to the mall, just FYI).  They are actually PROUD of the fact that they don't read.  So they finally come find me - arranging the new bestsellers, none of which are The Scarlet Letter - and ask for the Nicholas Sparks books....and I show them to the section about 8 feet behind them, alphabetical by author's last name.  Then one of the girls does ask for The Scarlet Letter - so I ask my favorite question ever "Do you need a particular edition?" which completely confuses the poor girl and her face literally goes blank.  So we go to Hawthorne and I pull the cheapest edition off the shelf.  She still looks confused so I take a little pity on her and ask if she knows anything about the book.  Nope, she doesn't know anything about it but she's supposed to read it...nope, she has no idea that it's over 150 years old or about Puritans...and she has trouble reading Huck Finn...and I'm thinking, oh crap, so I ask her, as gently as I can, if she would like me to recommend something else for her to read (I'm assuming it's for school, but I could be wrong).  No, no, this is fine so the trio wanders back off to Nicholas Sparks.  Pretty soon they come find me again - do I have any Cliffs Notes for Nicholas Sparks's The Rescue?  I actually felt my teeth click together so my mouth wouldn't fall open.  Er, no, we don't have any Sparknotes for Nicholas Sparks books...but, yes, we do have Sparknotes for Huck Finn.  I take two of the three over to the Study Aids section (surprisingly, the girl with The Scarlet Letter is not interested in a Sparknotes for her book; she's determined to read it - I could have hugged her for saying that - so she hung around the Teen New Releases) to find Huck Finn and the whole way there the one girl keeps going on and on (loudly) about how long the book is and how hard it is to read and how it has, like, 500 pages and that's soooo unfair and she's not going to read it if she doesn't have to - I wanted to slap her.  So I pulled the Sparknotes for Huck Finn off the rack, handed it to her, and said "Just so you know, all the teachers have read all the study aids and cheat sheets for the books you read in class.  So you'll still need to read the book.  Huck Finn is still relevant because Huck has to re-think his attitudes about slavery and people of color as he and Jim become friends.  And, by the way, Huck Finn is often marketed as a children's book, it's only about 200 to 250 pages depending on the edition...War and Peace has 1000 pages, that's a long book."  That shut her up.

Why are people so proud of being ignorant and stupid?  It's like a badge of honor, trumpeting their stupidity (look at that waste case, Snooki).  In the case of the three girls (because I have no idea what my phone customer looks like), it's obvious that they have money, that their parents spare no expense for them, so why parade around like some uneducated hick?  Why not take pride in the advantages of an education?  I've read Susan Jacoby's The Age of American Unreason so I understand that the divide between the intelligence haves and have-nots has always existed but it always makes me go "huh?"  I try to be helpful and optimistic but the really dogged way that some people just cling to their ignorance makes me want to crawl back in my hidey-hole (or point and laugh, depending on situation).

The Satanic Verses

I started reading Salman Rushdie's The Satanic Verses last September for BiblioBrat's Banned Books Challenge.  I started reading during the last week of the challenge, which was busy, busy, busy on its own, so I only got about 150 pages read before October took over and The Satanic Verses wound up at the bottom of the reading pile.  Now that September has returned, bringing with it Banned Books Week and the news that some crazy people want to burn Korans to punish Islamic fundamentalists (< sarcasm > because that's totally going to show them < / sarcasm >), it was appropriate for me to fish The Satanic Verses back out of the pile and finish it off.

Rushdie fully expects the reader to suspend belief right from the last line of the first paragraph:

Just before dawn one winter's morning, New Year's Day, or thereabouts, two real, full-grown, living men fell from a great height, twenty-nine thousand and two feet, towards the English Channel, without benefit of parachutes or wings, out of a clear sky. (p 3)

Gibreel Farishta and Saladin Chamcha are the miraculous sole survivors of an act of terrorism and wash up on the beach of England.  Each begins to display characteristics representative of an otherworldly being - one displays a halo, the other a pair of horns - setting off a story of acceptance and forgiveness interspersed with commentary on tolerance, faith/doubt, megalomania, and identity.  Gibreel and Saladin form the frame narrative as we learn each man's history and as they try to piece their lives back together in the wonderfully titled section "Ellowen Deeowen".  Gibreel (as the incarnation of the archangel Gibreel) develops visions of the prophet Mahound at the time of his revelations in Jalilia (an interpretation of the life of Muhammed in Mecca) as well as those of a modern Indian peasant girl, Ayesha, who moves an entire village to walk to Mecca - through the Arabian Sea - based on the belief in her revelations from the archangel.

There are many character and narrative threads in The Satanic Verses and they don't all start to come together until late in the novel.  This is a novel to be savored and pondered with wonderfully evocative imagery.  There are also many "doubles" in this novel - two Hinds, two Mishals, two or three Ayeshas (depending on how you count), Gibreel himself and Gibreel the archangel, and a Salman (who might mirror the author depending on how you look at it) - so you must also read The Satanic Verses closely.

This is a controversial novel, there is no getting around that.  When the prophet Mahound issues a proclamation from the archangel that women are to be sequestered, a madam comes up with the idea to have her twelve girls take on the personalities of Mahound's twelve wives; the brothel receives a boost in business from the scheme but the brothel is eventually shut down and the prostitutes and collaborators are executed.  Because the novel uses the life of Muhammed as a basis, the idea that prostitutes are imitating the Prophet's wives can be offensive to some.  Do you want to know what I think?  Those people don't have to read The Satanic Verses, same as people who don't like to see novels about the life of Jesus Christ that depict him doing un-Christlike things don't have to read those.  A novel isn't real, just like any historical novel using the Tudors as basis isn't any more real just because it uses King Henry VIII as a main character.  Some events will be made up for storytelling purposes.  No one is forcing you to read it.

The novel also brings the issue of faith and doubt to the fore with the visions of Mahound and Ayesha the peasant.  How is someone believable when he or she claims to be the mouth of the archangel and brings revelations from God?  What do you do when the prophet suddenly retracts a previous statement, claiming it came from an "evil" source?  This is the controversy over the so-called Satanic Verses, a sura attributed to Muhammed that affirmed prayer to three old female polytheistic deities from the regions around Mecca but later retracted as the work of Shaitan (the devil).  Since the archangel only reveals information to a prophet, never to anyone else, how do we know if the revealments are the actual Will of God?  It requires faith, same as the village that follows Ayesha the peasant on a pilgrimage to Mecca, on foot, through the Arabian Sea; Ayesha affirms that the sea will part for them and the faithful will walk across the seabed; there are believers and there are doubters.  Like Doubting Thomas of the New Testament, does one need proof of the Divine to make the leap of faith?

The Satanic Verses is much more than just a book that pushes buttons for the sake of pushing buttons.  If those buttons set you off, then perhaps you ought not to read this book.  If you do read, look beyond those hot-buttons for the journey of Gibreel and Saladin; it's a crazy ride and, ultimately, a very satisfying one.

A quick tic about "Old English"

I was gone much of the weekend to visit the Harry Potter Experience at the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago (and the museum, too, because it has some cool stuff) and didn't take the laptop with me. When I was home, I was either working or watching the Iowa Hawkeyes wipe the field with the ISU Cyclones (woot, go Hawks!). So, yeah, not much blog updating and that's kind of a problem with BBAW this week. However, I do have to throw up a quick post about "Old English" and a rant I went on while driving to Chicago.

I brought along Portable Professor's Of Sorcerer's and Men: Tolkien and the Roots of Modern Fantasy Literature to listen to in the car. media_zombie has the first two discs stuck in her car's CD player, so I thought she'd like it and we've both read a good deal of Tolkien so we had a bit of commentary to add to Professor Drout's. At one point in the lectures Drout begins reading Beowulf not in translation but in Old English - it's fantastic to hear but reminded me that not once but twice that weekend I'd heard modern English from a pre-20th century source referred to as "Old English."

Which pretty much makes me flip my shit and proceeded to do so while driving (in a slightly understated way because media_zombie tends to share my opinion on the subject). The first instance had someone linking to a "modern" version of Coleridge's The Rime of the Ancient Mariner because the original was in "old English" (published in 1798). The second instance was some teenager asking for the Cliff's Notes to Jane Eyre because it was in "old English" and hard to understand. Can I flip my shit now? THIS is Old English:

HWÆT, WE GAR-DEna in geardagum,
þeodcyninga þrym gefrunon,
hu ða æþelingas ellen fremedon!
oft Scyld Scefing sceaþena þreatum,
monegum mægþum meodosetla ofteah,
egsode eorlas, syððanærest wearð
feasceaft funden; he þæs frofre gebad,
weox under wolcnum weorðmyndum þah,
oð þæt him æghwylc ymbsittendra
ofer hronrade hyran scolde,
gomban gyldan; þæt wæs god cyning!
(first 11 lines of Beowulf, courtesy of Fordham University)

This is Middle English, spoken from about 1066 to around 1450:

Whan that Aueryłł wt his shoures soote,
The droghte of Marcħ, hath perced to the roote;
And bathed euery veyne in swich lycour,
Of which vertu engendred is the flour;
Whan zephirus eek wt his sweete breeth,
Inspired hath in euery holt and heeth;
The tendre croppes, and the yonge sonne,
Hath in the Ram, his half cours yronne;
And smale foweles, maken melodye,
That slepen al the nyght with open iye;
So priketh hem nature, in hir corages,
Thanne longen folk to goon on pilgrymages;
And Palmeres for to seeken straunge strondes,
To ferne halwes, kouthe in sondry londes;
And specially, from euery shyres ende,
Of Engelond to Caunterbury they wende;
The holy blisful martir for to seke,
That hem hath holpen whan þt they weere seeke.
(opening of The Prologue from The Canterbury Tales)

Chancery Standard became the dominant language around 1450 to 1650 and is what is known as Early Modern English; this is why Shakespeare writes in modern English and doesn't need "modern translations," just a dictionary from time to time. For people used to writing that breaks grammar conventions (and, I suppose, those addicted to text spelling) I'm sure properly written English looks a bit odd but that's what makes your brain grow. Deal and quit trying to tell me Jane Austen writes "old English."

And you are bothering me because...?

My parents celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary tomorrow (June 7). I joined the rest of the family for a group portrait today, which turned out OK but it seems all of us squint the same eye when we smile, and I dropped by my favorite DVD outlet (which shall remain unnamed) to take advantage of a buy-2-get-1 sale. The store remains unnamed for the following reason.

I was browsing through the selection and mulling over which DVD I should buy for my third choice (I had already chosen Little Dorrit and Le Cercle Rouge). I was looking through the selection of Criterion Collection DVDs (again) and debating between Trafic, The Tales of Hoffmann, Rififi, or a Kurosawa - they didn't have Withnail and I - when I was accosted by a middle-aged, balding man (because that's who lurks in the video store) who was very friendly with the store staff but he didn't appear to be working:

Balding dude: Excuse me, I see you are looking at the Criterion Collection and no one does that.
[A very long pause.]
Me: ....And?
Balding dude: They're really overpriced.
[Another very long pause.]
Me: ....And?
Balding dude: Uh...you can probably get those movies for less elsewhere.
[who the heck is this guy?]
Me: Considering that Criterion is involved in creating film documentaries, film preservation, and distribution of hard-to-find films, particularly those films that show exemplary construction, I would say the prices are reasonable.
[like, seriously, wtf is it your business what I look at or purchase]
Balding dude: Oh....what have you chosen already? Can I see?
[if we weren't in public I would tell you to get fucked and fast]
Me: Le Cercle Rouge and Little Dorrit. Little Dorrit is not a Criterion film.
[I am starting to use my "I am smarter than you are and you should realize that" voice]
Balding dude [who is fast becoming the most irritating person in the planet]: Oh, they have foreign films? Really?
[for serious, am I on Candid Camera?]
Me: Yes. They do. And they do good work and are often the only distribuor in the US for those films. That's why they cost so much - the initial take of the film wasn't in the hundreds of millions.

I glared at him and walked off. He vacated the area after several minutes

Is this what the world is coming to these days? Creepy middle-aged men, who have professed aloud their favorite movie to be Re-animator, lurking in the DVD section of stores to pounce on unsuspecting shoppers and shower said shoppers with stupidity? Does this fall under worst pick-up line ever? I'm pretty sure this guy either worked at the store or had worked at that store because he seemed to know all the employees by name.

Thank you very much for ruining my shopping experience, Balding Dude. You are the kind of person who makes me want to do all my shopping online.

Incidentally, the third film I chose was Kurosawa's Throne of Blood - Macbeth with Japanese Noh Theatre elements.....awesome. I almost got Ran but I've never seen it; I am somewhat cheap in that I won't spend that much money on something I've never seen.

I hate SPAM

Some jackass has gotten hold of the "All Internal Medicine" email list at work and is now occupied in sending all of us spam email.

Which, in turn, prompts everyone to get pissed off, hit "Reply all," and request that their email be removed from the list.

Which we all get since about 1000+ of us are listed in "All Internal Medicine" - probably more.

And all of these emails come through on my BlackBerry.

Idiots.

Doing my epidemiologic duty

Before I post anymore on books, yarn, my cats, or anything even remotely fun I'm gonna have to do a little PSA about swine flu aka H1N1 flu.

1. The number of cases reported with this strain is a drop in the bucket compared to the number of flu cases reported every year with seasonal flu. If this were truly a killer flu nearly every person who has contracted the swine flu in the US would be dead right now rather than 1 out of about 250 (and that kid brought it with him from Mexico). Also, Mexico is still undergoing it's regular flu season right now - they're probably seeing plenty of seasonal flu strains, too.
2. The precautions being advised to prevent infection with swine flu - handwashing, cover your cough, using kleenexes insetad of hankies, staying away from sick people, etc. - are the EXACT SAME as the precautions you should be taking to avoid getting sick at all. The same - you can prevent catching the common cold this way. Amazing.
3. If you actually have symptoms of influenza (high fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, rhinorrea, etc) you need to stay home. If you have to go to the doctor, call ahead and tell them your symptoms so they know you're coming. This is important regardless of whether you have swine flu or seasonal influenza because, guess what, the symptoms are EXACTLY THE SAME. Do not go shopping, to the movies, the theatre, bars, etc. Stay home (if you haven't been to Mexico/have close contact with someone who was in Mexico and is now ill then you probably don't have swine flu you have either a cold or seasonal flu).
4. Do not listen to anyone who says the 1918 flu pandemic killed hundreds of thousands. That's a known fact but completely unrelated in this case. Times change and we change with them. Medical epidemiology and medical care has advanced light-years since 1918 and we have a far better understanding of how the influenza virus works and far better supportive care.
5. You cannot (repeat: CANNOT) get swine flu from eating pork or pork products. This is why the leaders of the state of Iowa have started calling this thing H1N1 flu instead of swine flu; too many people with absolutely no idea how influenza viruses spread have been shooting off their mouths and now have incited panic among the world's pork importers/exporters (I even read a report that someone in Egypt is going to start culling hogs). Get real people. There are plenty of parasites, etc., that you can get from eating undercooked pork. So if you want to freak out about pork, freak out about worms and then cook your pork thoroughly.
6. Calm the frick down, people. Use your head for what the good Lord made it - rational thought. Wash your hands, don't put your fingers in your mouth/touch your face, and go about your business.

End of lecture. Visit www.cdc.gov if you're really having a panic.

And in other news...

...of the weird variety.

The familiy that went on Dr. Phil and bragged about shoplifting $100,000 of merchandise then selling it on eBay is now under investigation. I guess the original show aired using a clip where it showed them using their three children (?????). What gets me is that did the shoplifting family assume that law-enforcement agencies ignore what is aired on television? It would seem that showing video of yourself stealing would be primo bait for investigators.

And we are still more freaked out by the Octo-mom.

Overheard at the mall

Overheard while waiting for the bus (which picks up near the ice rink-end of the mall):

Dirty child who should be at school: "Momma, what are they doing?"
Stingy-haired mother who looks like she smoked fifty years worth of cigarettes all at once: "Ice skatin' - but that's not real ice."

Do you know how hard it is not to snort? I was doing a lot of inward snickering.

PS to the politicos: I do not give a flying rat's ass that you think the Obama books shouldn't go on the "Presidential History" table. I am not paid enough to care.

Gee, I always wanted a pet that could kill me.

Thank you, Mike Wazowski. You know, pets are nice. I have two kitties. Dogs are nice (if they don't jump on you). (small) Snakes are nice, birds are nice, fish are nice, etc. etc.

Chimps are not pets.

A chimpanzee is a wild animal and one of the closest ape relatives to homo sapiens. A chimpanzee has intelligence and can learn many things, but it still responds to instinct. An Elmo doll freaks out humans so it's not a stretch to think that it would freak out a chimpanzee. I find it really strange that there were no regulations in place in that part of Connecticut that prevented the importation and purchase of an exotic wild animal (who was then forced to wear diapers and do human things - poor thing should have been in an ape sanctuary with other chimps). An unprovoked dog attack that resulted in injury would probably have better follow-up.

In other news:
Woman arrested over breast cancer "charade" - She says she doesn't know why she made up the story in the first place....right. She kept up the lie for five years and accepted leave donations, money, and support for survivor groups. Selfish, much?
Black pastors ask Burris to resign - These were the same pastors who supported his appointment in the first place. I want to know what went through Burris's head; did he think that no one would ever double-check and make sure he didn't buy the appointment? Blagojevich is getting investigated, so the federal prosecutors are going to go through every shred of paper/Internet ephemera/wiretaps so any links to donations, etc. are going to be found. Do politicians require a paycheck at all? If graft is involved they already make enough money.
Shooting pigs from helicopters? - Is the chopper really neccessary? I understand there's a population boom on the pigs side and they're causing havoc among the ranchers and farmers but can't they be hunted like everything else? (Side note: I've never been hunting in my life, so I don't know much about it beyond killing animals, and I've no wish to ever go hunting)
9-year-old pleads guilty in AZ - I understand that something needed to be done but does that child really understand what happened? I hope he gets help. Lots and lots of help.
Local yokel found with steroids and cancer drugs - Iowa has lots of meth and pot. However, this dude was found to be in possession of not only pot but also Clomiphene (treats female infertility, but can also be used as an anabolic steroids), methylphenidate (aka Ritalin), oxandrolone (steroid), stanzolol (steroid), five vials of testosterone, and, get this, tamoxifen which is used to treat breast cancer. I wonder if he even knows what he had because, of course, he didn't have prescriptions for any of it.
Des Moines County jail will not charge for TP - that was the best money-saving idea they could come up with? Wow.
Men view women in bikinis as "objects" - Someone wasted research money on this? I hope it wasn't a lot since the answer is duh. I want to know why they only used 21 heterosexual, male undergraduates as subjects; if the study was being conducted at Princeton they have a much larger population to draw from.

(This news thing is kind of fun)

A few thoughts on the current news stories

Vaccines and autism - The special court ruled that the evidence overwhelmingly does not support a link between autism and vaccination. Finally. I'm an epidemiologist, if none of you already knew, so I read the original paper for Infectious Disease Epidemiology and the original "study" that "proved" a link between MMR and autism had a sample size of 12; that is laughable for a population-based study. You can't just dig up 12 patients with autism and incidentally find that they all had the MMR vaccine thus concluding the MMR vaccine caused the autism; that's bad science - poorly designed and biased. But...in a world where people need causality and want a place to lay blame for the origin of a child's disease that study that "finding" was the "proof" many parents needed. So began that fight. Someone from NVIC did point out that the court's ruling will not dissuade many parents who earnestly believe their children are in danger because of the MMR vaccine (and other vaccines as well) and therefore will fight to avoid vaccinating their children. You know what that does? Endangers everyone else's children. Herd immunity should not be used as an excuse and anyway, you know that thimerosal preservative everyone freaked out about? Well, I'm 30 and had my first measles shot in 1980 and my MMR in 1992 - if thimerosal was going to cause autism it would have caused an explosion of cases in my generation, not the children born in the late 1990s and early 2000s.

The "Octuplet mom" - NEEDS MENTAL HELP. She has a narcissistic personality if I ever saw one. She had all those children by IVF, put them in mortal danger through a high-order multiples pregnancy (which is frowned upon by the medical establishment), and now wants us to help care for (i.e. pay for) these children all because she was lonely as a child? She doesn't love those children, she loves herself and the attention she's getting because of it. A reality show? A website to collect donations? She already collects SSDI for several of her older children to the tune of several thousand dollars a month and she was receiving workers compensation for a back injury sustained while working at a mental institution. Now, she doesn't deserve threats but she really needs a reality check. She might not consider food stamps and SSDI "welfare" but that is provided by the tax payers, specifically those of California, and they're going to wind up footing the bill for her children - about 1.5 to 2.5 million dollars. That's a lot of money going to one person just because she wanted a big family. I call that selfish. Oh, and she's going to back to school (she already has $50,000 in school loans) and she's going to rely on *cough*take advantage of*cough* the school's daycare provider and volunteers to care for the children while she attends school. As I said above, I'm 30 - this woman is 33 (her oldest child is 7, I believe); why IVF was required? Higher-order multiples are extremely rare in pregnancies concieved naturally.

Social Hosting laws - Should a parent who provides alcohol to teens for a party/gathering/etc. be held liable for what happens? Yes, it is illegal to provide minors with alcohol; the only exception is allowing your own child to have a small drink in the privacy of your own home for say dinner or a celebration. Should a parent be held liable because their stupid kid threw a kegger while the parents were out of town, either obtaining the alcohol through another source or raiding the existing liquor cabinet (in my experience, the alcohol usually comes from an outside source)? Nope, at that point the child decided to do something illegal but the parents will probably have to foot the bill for their child's stupidity. You can substitute "social host" for parent, here. I'm also a big one for personal responsibility. I'm also a big one for not making alcohol such a taboo; as a younger teen I was allowed to have a small (maybe two fingers worth in a tumbler) glass of wine at dinner if my parents were having wine with dinner or I was allowed to have a sip of beer if Dad was having one. I was taught that having a drink was a social thing and that having a lot of alcohol in one sitting was a really stupid idea. I tested that theory out while in college; yeah, having a lot of alcohol in one go is not the smartest thing ever and I've really not ever done it again.

The stimulus package - First off, if the banks are using the previously-allocated bailout money improperly the government should ask for the money back because it was a loan and I think loans can be recalled (I could be wrong). Second, absolutely NONE of those CEOs should even be drawing a salary, nor should any of the other top executives, that exceeds the salary of the lowliest intern; didja hear me? NO bonuses, NO raises, nada, zip. You got us into this mess, so you better start trying to get us out. Third, why don't we use some of the stimulus money to help people keep their homes? In my opinion, if someone has honestly been trying to keep up with the mortgage payments, then they're probably not trying to play the system, so the stimulus money should be used to help re-negotiate the mortgage so that it is manageable. Fourth, who gives a crap about doorbells in Mississippi? Get real (gotta love StimulusWatch - I hope someone in Washingon sees it). It gets even better - this is the state where I live and there are only two cities listed who have requested federal stimulus funding. I don't live in those areas and I pretty much only see the need for the sewer work, flood mitigation, and ADA compliance projects. Library and wireless LAN projects, parks improvements, etc. are not something the federal government should pay for; if the locals want those things then they better pony up the cash.

That idiot Blagojevich (reposted from a Chicago trib blog) - So he's going to write a tell-all book? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, still snickering. How does someone that juvenile get elected to public office? Wait, don't answer that.

UI Graduate Students Split from UISG (hopefully that will open without having to register for the DI - Just a bit of local-yokel news and all I can say is about damn time. I did both undergrad and graduate work at the University of Iowa and I can easily say that the UI Student Government is run by undergrads; said undergrads do not want to listen to the Executive Council for Graduate and Professional Students. I can also attest to being pissed that my graduate student fees were going to support activities attended primarily by undergraduates. So, in the next fiscal year GSS will allocate grad student funds and UISG will allocate undergrad student funds.

Why can't people stay home?

I mean, is being at home unpleasant? Being out in our lovely Iowa winter storm is probably the least intelligent thing people can do right now because the weather is pretty bad. The only way it could be worse is to either a) rain straight ice because then everything turns to glass or b) have driving wind because then you just get blown all over the place. But no, people seem to be posessed with a singular drive to come to the mall and the mall, in GGP's infinite wisdom, just doesn't seem to close because we have to accomodate this loonies even when the weather is terrible.

Take, for instance, the loser moron who thought it expedient to drag his three small boys (all under 10, the youngest about 4) out to the mall at 8pm in an ice storm to go to the Build-a-Bear store and the Playplot aka germ factory. Really? That's necessary? They can't play with anything at home? Bringing kids out in this weather is child abuse in my opinion.

Blowouts are boring

What are you supposed to do when your team is trouncing the opposition at the Metrodome?

Have sex in the handicapped stall, of course. During Iowa's 55-0 rout of Minnesota (hawks like to eat rodents, so the Hawkeyes smoking the Gophers totally makes sense), UM cops busted a couple getting busy in the restroom, complete with crowd cheering the couple on. The two got cited for indecent conduct (usually given to public urination). The kicker? She gave a false name and had to be identified by her husband; he was released to his girlfriend. Unfortunately, both of the them were from Iowa. It's a long car ride back to the land of Black and Gold.

Speaking of car rides:
My parents are picking me up this evening and we're going to see my relatives in Illinois for Thanksgiving. Then I get to rush back to Iowa to close on Black Friday. What joy is mine. Happy Turkey everyone!

So much for timely information

I'm a news junkie - I really love how the Internet is able to keep me informed as events happen rather than just reading the paper once a day. Because of this, I knew that a rash of car burglaries was occurring in the Iowa City area; thieves are smashing car windows and taking anything from loose change to stereos. What was not reported until today was that cars in the UIHC parking ramps were also broken into over the past two weekends or so. Not only that but there weren't any staff bulletins sent out. Hello!!!! I work at UIHC, I may not drive into campus but I work here, and staff should have been informed immediately those weeks following the sprees.

But, no. No email. Grrrrr.

A good start to the day

I got good use out of my "Satan-thinks-naughty-children-taste-good-with-BBQ-sauce" glare today. Someone's kid was reaching up underneath the glass of the display case at Panera to finger the pastries (four-ish/five-ish years old kid, so old enough to know to keep your hands to yourself). I caught her eye - she kind of attached herself to her mom's pantleg really fast after that.

Sometimes you just don't have to say anything. Just wish "Satan-thinks-naughty-mommies-taste-good-with-BBQ-sauce" worked on the moms as well.

Public Transportation Etiquette

For all those people who somehow managed to escape kindergarten without learning basic rules of public behavior, let me give you a little lesson about how to behave on the public transportation system (which in my case means the bus, but this is applicable to subways and commuter trains as well).

1. Have your fare ready. If you don't have your fare or pass out, please step aside to let others board while you dig in your pockets.
2. Please seat yourself quickly. Don't stand in the middle of the aisle when there are seats in the back. The aisle is narrow and we can't get past you.
3. Once you are seated please don't take up more than one seat (unless you don't fit into just one). Lounging and putting your feet on the seats makes less room for other passengers.
4. Please keep your conversation to yourself. This includes both cell phone and in-person conversations. If your companion is sitting next to you then you shouldn't need to yell at one another; if you are not sitting close, please don't shout up and down the carriage. If you're yelling into your cell phone continue the conversation at another time.
5. Bring your headphones for your personal audio device. Do you really want everyone else to know that you have terrible taste?
6. If you are with small children, please discipline them. We none of us like to have your child kick us repeatedly throughout the ride.
7. If you are under the age of 18, and riding alone, keep your mouth shut and your hands to yourself.
8. Please practice good personal hygiene. No one likes to ride next to someone who smells like decaying roadkill and who might also be harboring lice and fleas. Don't pick your nose, either.
9. Please exit off the back of the bus. The only time you would need to exit through the front is if the bus is packed or if you have a mobility issue (i.e. wheelchair) and need to use the lift. Being lazy is not a mobility issue.

Now that the lesson for the day is over, I would like to say that my new internal antenna N-network router is amazing. I have been able to use my laptop while in other parts of my apartment without losing the wireless connection. Just a note for others who have feline housemates - don't get a router with an external antenna; I had to replace mine because there were chew marks all over it and I'm assuming that's why I had trouble getting a decent signal.

I managed to reverse the idea that pulling me off surveillance was a good idea. I convinced my boss that surveillance was more important because it was so far behind, like six months behind. So they're going to hire a biostats person for the analysis and I'm full-steam ahead on the surveillance (I have another 4 days done). And then the boss departed for Europe, not return until December. Except now I have to take care of an IRB application that mysteriously came due this week after she left.

Current book-in-progress: The Castle of Otranto, The Post-American World, and The Shock Doctrine
Current knitted item: yellow secret item is almost done
Current movie obsession: Clerks but I'm not finding it as funny as the first time
Current iTunes loop: Filmspotting (there are a lot of episodes to go through)

A Little Shakespeare Shelving Lesson

For the little shelvers at the store who can't quite seem to handle shelving the Shakespeare books correctly, here's a little primer.

Shakespeare is generally divided into two parts: commentary and plays (no, sonnets and poems are NOT plays, they go in 'Poetry'). Within each section the books are arranged by title. What that means is the plays are NOT arranged by publisher just because it looks prettier - put them in order by title (and yes, that means the Henrys go in order IV Part I, IV Part II, V, VI Part I, VI Part II, and VI Part III).

For reference, see "Alphabetization of the English Language."

Oopsie...

Well, so much for abstinence-only sex education as touted by conservatives. Even the Republican vice-presidential candidate's daughter, Bristol Palin, couldn't figure out a way to keep from getting pregnant when having sex.

Looks like McCain and Palin are going to have to start looking at whether or not their previous stances on sex education and teen pregnancy actually make sense.